Tell me what you think
Around Mollie’s birthday, which was in March, I had a big fight with my EMIL (Evil Mother In-Law). Well, it wasn’t a fight, so much as it was me expressing my disappointment and dismay with her behaviour and attitude. Well, ok, it was a fight. It ended with me ringing her, in an effort to try and resolve the issues in an adult manner. She hung up on me. Twice.
On March 27th, Mollie’s 11th birthday, EMIL and her husband rang Mollie to wish her a happy birthday. Darren, EMIL’s only child, and Mollie, EMIL’s only grandchild, have not heard from, or spoken to, her since. They have not contacted her, and she has not contacted them. At all. Except for one text message, when Mollie texted EMIL to wish her a happy Mother’s Day, and EMIL sent a text back. That’s it.
Who, in their right mind, could treat their family this way? And why would you want to? I read enough blogs to know that people are weird. Also, that people have really weird family dynamics. I should know. I don’t have any kind of relationship at all with my father and my mother is a whole other post. However, it has not been through lack of trying.
I have washed my hands of EMIL. The only time Darren and Mollie ever saw her was when I instigated it. She always rang to speak to them once a week (sometimes more), but now that has stopped completely. I have never, ever said that Darren and Mollie can’t contact her, or can’t see her. I have never said that she can’t ring them, or email them, or come and see them. Not once. It hasn’t even been implied. I have only said that I will no longer facilitate their relationships with each other.
Yesterday, I had coffee with my mother. Believe me, that would require its own post. During the conversation, the EMIL came up. My mother asked me whether or not there had been any developments. I replied that there had not. She asked me how I felt about that. I replied that it made me really sad, angry and frustrated. She suggested that maybe I should call her. She stated that perhaps it was not a great idea to socially isolate myself from her. I’m sorry? Did I hang up on EMIL? Or was it the other way around? Why is it my problem to resolve? Why is it my fault? My mother was quick to say that she wasn’t blaming me, but… Wisely, we dropped the subject.
You tell me. Seriously. Go back and read my account of what happened. I believe it’s an accurate representation. Obviously, it’s one sided, but I really believe it’s fair. Play devil’s advocate, if you wish. What could I have done differently? Keep in mind, that she is 66 years old, and I am 33. She is retired. I work full time. They moved 90 minutes away from us. There is physically nothing wrong with her. Mentally may be a different story, but that’s not for me to say! Should I have kept biting my tongue for the next 12 years of marriage? Should I have just gone along with her for the sake of keeping the peace? Is this my fault?
Tracey, I believe that there is no pleasing some people and your EML sounds like one of them. Mine…….. sigh. I was forever inviting her around to see the kids, organising for them to spend time with her and biting my tongue when my step father in law was rude to me and for what? To have my invitations never taken up, my children ignored or fed up o n food that made them hyper and sick and myself being ignored or called names. Sometimes it doesn’t matter what you do you can’t win and it looks like that is where you are with her.
here. have some chocolate. And throw some darts at her picture, you’ll feel better again soon
Comment by Bettina — June 2, 2008 @ 3:28 pm
Hey mum…? why don’t you make a VooDoo doll that looks like her? Huh? wat about it???
Comment by Administrator — June 2, 2008 @ 4:31 pm
the answer is in your title woman….
Comment by Xbox4NappyRash — June 2, 2008 @ 6:24 pm
She is a cow and should be treated accordingly. Cow tip in the middle of the night might wake her up, don’t you think? LOLOLOLOLOL!!!! Sorry, no sleep
Comment by tiff — June 2, 2008 @ 7:34 pm
OK it worries me when you “mention” that she accused you of child abuse. I don’t know how it works there, but here, all it takes is an anonymous phone call for trouble to begin. I am scared for you, even if you are in this line of work and may have a better defense than most.
Comment by Mrs. C — June 3, 2008 @ 5:13 am
Thank you for commenting on my site about my NIL’s! I NEEDED to come over to read your story. I also read the link you gave here, of Mollie’s birthday party woes!
You are right, some people are not worth the hassle.
I will come back and read more! Ya know…. when the children stop screaming and begging for food!
Comment by Hyphen Mama — June 5, 2008 @ 2:37 am
It takes the effort of 2 people to make a relationship work. When one is doing all the work and receiving nothing but hurt in return, is it worth it? NO !!!!
You and your family deserve to be around people who value you. Why pour energy into something that tears you down?
Comment by Widdle Shamrock — June 8, 2008 @ 9:36 am
“Why bother?’ is pretty much the answer I think. Don’t bother, it is her loss. Enjoy your family, and let her be how she wants to be. She is the one missing out.
Comment by Suze — June 9, 2008 @ 2:15 pm
Stop beating yourself up about this Trace..
Comment by frogpondsrock — June 10, 2008 @ 9:43 pm