Around Mollie’s birthday, which was in March, I had a big fight with my EMIL (Evil Mother In-Law). Well, it wasn’t a fight, so much as it was me expressing my disappointment and dismay with her behaviour and attitude. Well, ok, it was a fight. It ended with me ringing her, in an effort to try and resolve the issues in an adult manner. She hung up on me. Twice.
On March 27th, Mollie’s 11th birthday, EMIL and her husband rang Mollie to wish her a happy birthday. Darren, EMIL’s only child, and Mollie, EMIL’s only grandchild, have not heard from, or spoken to, her since. They have not contacted her, and she has not contacted them. At all. Except for one text message, when Mollie texted EMIL to wish her a happy Mother’s Day, and EMIL sent a text back. That’s it.
Who, in their right mind, could treat their family this way? And why would you want to? I read enough blogs to know that people are weird. Also, that people have really weird family dynamics. I should know. I don’t have any kind of relationship at all with my father and my mother is a whole other post. However, it has not been through lack of trying.
I have washed my hands of EMIL. The only time Darren and Mollie ever saw her was when I instigated it. She always rang to speak to them once a week (sometimes more), but now that has stopped completely. I have never, ever said that Darren and Mollie can’t contact her, or can’t see her. I have never said that she can’t ring them, or email them, or come and see them. Not once. It hasn’t even been implied. I have only said that I will no longer facilitate their relationships with each other.
Yesterday, I had coffee with my mother. Believe me, that would require its own post. During the conversation, the EMIL came up. My mother asked me whether or not there had been any developments. I replied that there had not. She asked me how I felt about that. I replied that it made me really sad, angry and frustrated. She suggested that maybe I should call her. She stated that perhaps it was not a great idea to socially isolate myself from her. I’m sorry? Did I hang up on EMIL? Or was it the other way around? Why is it my problem to resolve? Why is it my fault? My mother was quick to say that she wasn’t blaming me, but… Wisely, we dropped the subject.
You tell me. Seriously. Go back and read my account of what happened. I believe it’s an accurate representation. Obviously, it’s one sided, but I really believe it’s fair. Play devil’s advocate, if you wish. What could I have done differently? Keep in mind, that she is 66 years old, and I am 33. She is retired. I work full time. They moved 90 minutes away from us. There is physically nothing wrong with her. Mentally may be a different story, but that’s not for me to say! Should I have kept biting my tongue for the next 12 years of marriage? Should I have just gone along with her for the sake of keeping the peace? Is this my fault?