12 years is a long time
Around about 12 years ago, I met my beloved. Shortly thereafter, I had the pleasure of meeting his parents. I doubt if his mother and I have ever had an honest conversation. Too painful.
I don’t know how she feels about me. Care factor? Zero. Not interested. She walks the walk, and is quite convincing, but given my depth of feeling towards her, I doubt if there’s any genuine affection for me on her part. That’s fine. We don’t have to like each other. So why pretend?
Folks, this woman has pissed me off more times than I can count. In so many different ways. There was the time she accused me of child abuse. There were all the times I invited her to something on Darren or Mollie’s behalf and she rejected them, but wouldn’t tell them, would tell me, so that I had to break the news to them. The times that she has hurt Mollie, and I’ve been the one to cop it.
Darren and Mollie choose not to confront this woman. There is a good reason for this. She has a vicious tongue. Even her humour is hurtful. She is intolerant. Towards everybody. She hates Asians, Muslims, Aboriginals, Homosexuals, Catholics, Politicians, Americans. That’s her problem. She hates. She is bitter, and twisted. There is no joy inside of her. None. The precious moments she spends with her only child and her only grandchild are often wasted as she picks at them, criticizing and condemning them until they are silent with hurt. She is incapable of positivity. She sees only the negative. She looks for the negative, and if that’s what you look for, that’s what you find.
Next week is Mollie’s birthday. All she wanted was a picnic with both sets of grandparents, mum, dad and one friend. Here is an extract of the email I received this morning, from Darren’s mother:
Mollie said the party is now at Lake Macquarie not Cessnock, if this is right, we will only come and see her and give her the present, as 6 hours travel in a car is too long for JB and the drive back after 4 hours in the car is a lot extra for me too. Sorry about this, but we can still come up early that day to give her the present or go back to another weekend in Cessnock that suits you all. Judy
Lake Mac is half an hour from Cessnock. They have to drive one hour to Cessnock, half an hour to the lake, half an hour back, then another hour home. That makes it 3 hours, not 6. Additionally, if it was that much of a drama, they could stay overnight, as they have been invited to do, but declined. They are in their 60’s, not their 90’s. This is not the first incident of such a slap in the face.
On reading this, I fired off a quick, ‘ok, no worries, we’ll have another talk about it and let you know’. Then took myself quietly off to my room to fume in solitude. Then thought about it some more. Then got angrier. And angrier. 12 years of anger and pain went round and round my little brain. I came out of my room. I mentioned the email to Darren, and was asked ‘what did you expect?’ This hurt too.
Mollie isn’t here at the moment, so she doesn’t know about it. When I tell her, which I will have to, because she won’t, she’ll be angry and hurt too. And she will take it out on me. Which is natural.
So I sat down and composed an honest email. I took my time. I read and re-read it. Then I hit ’send’. Fuck it. Fuck her. 12 years is a long time.
We don’t bother anymore. We found it was easier to just not keep trying to involve them and having the kids hopes continually dashed.
Comment by Bettina — March 24, 2008 @ 2:07 pm
Oh honey, at least you’ve got it off your chest now. No more polite bullshit, you’ve said your piece. When she has to be a petty cow at the expense of her grandkids, she doesn’t deserve to spend time with them.
Comment by Anja — March 24, 2008 @ 2:26 pm
Even though it is difficult, I think it is important for them to understand and know how you feel about the situation. After all, this isn’t about you or them - it’s about Molly. Molly deserves to have family to celebrate her birthday, and frankly it sounds like they are just being unfair and deliberately painful.
I’m sorry this is happening. I have no relatives in my country except for my parents and immediate siblings. I would kill to have my grandparents drive to visit me - perhaps they need to talk to someone like me who would chew off my arm for the opportunity to have family over during holidays and birthdays - maybe then they will cut this out and appreciate the fact that they have family they can spend time with.
Sorry … I’m passionate about this. Happy Birthday to Molly - I hope whatever happens, she has a lovely day.
Comment by Katie — March 24, 2008 @ 2:41 pm
Oh, I’m sorry - I spelled Mollie’s name wrong. That wasn’t deliberate, I do apologise!
Comment by Katie — March 24, 2008 @ 2:43 pm
Bettina: it’s tempting. I had to cut my father out a long time ago because he was a complete psycho, so I’ve made EXTRA efforts with these people. You can only take so much though!
Anja: Couldn’t agree more! They don’t deserve her.
Katie: I’m an only child and my mother’s parents are both dead now, so I can relate. I miss my grandparents terribly. More as I get older! I never knew my father’s parents. These arseholes should wake up to themselves. A lot of people would kill to have time with their grandparents and vice versa. Thanks for your comments, and no worries about the spelling. It happens all the time.
Comment by Administrator — March 24, 2008 @ 4:00 pm
Mum look, Did i take it out on you when i got home?! NOPE.
Did i ask very politley to read her obnoxious email?! YUP.
MMMMWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH
Comment by molz_11 — March 24, 2008 @ 6:01 pm
Dude! Your I can’t believe you can spell the word obnoxious! You ROCK! Not sure you should be reading my blog tho xo
Comment by Administrator — March 24, 2008 @ 6:09 pm
Have experienced similar just recently. Though I didn’t have the guts to write an honest e-mail. ((Hugs)) Sucks the kumera. But it is HER loss. What a sad women to be unable to see the beauty and gift she has in you.
Comment by Widdle Shamrock — March 24, 2008 @ 7:28 pm
Ok I wanna read what you wrote to that old cow! Send it through. I’m waiting.
Comment by tiff — March 24, 2008 @ 9:29 pm
WS: awwwww, thanks hun. In laws are difficult aren’t they? I know it hasn’t always been easy for her either, but enough is enough I say!
Tiff: Sent!
Comment by Administrator — March 25, 2008 @ 6:54 am
you SO need to post that email here…
;-)
Comment by Xbox4NappyRash — March 25, 2008 @ 7:17 am
Don’t tempt me Xy. Ask Tiff to forward it!!
Comment by Administrator — March 25, 2008 @ 8:44 pm
I could re-use it myself, just change some names, replace children with pets, and probably use the words ‘fair dinkum’ and ‘dingo’ a bit less.
Comment by Xbox4NappyRash — March 26, 2008 @ 4:20 am
Nothing like sending an honest bunch of words to lift a load of your chest though! I’m amused at the daughter reading and commenting on your blog, in our house I read my son’s blogs and he yells at me if I mention it to him, OMG I’m not sure what would happen if I commented, that would be so. not. on.!
Comment by Joh — March 26, 2008 @ 5:46 pm
I am lucky. My MIL is compost.
Send me the email, I need a good giggle!
Smootches to you babe
Comment by Kelley — April 2, 2008 @ 7:58 pm