It’s Friday again already! This time last week….well, anyway. It’s like that movie "Groundhog Day". Same thing, over and over, you get the picture. Tonight is really almost a repeat of last night, except this time the lights were on. I know where Mollie is, and Darren is in bed. So still no warm, loving embrace! Whatever.
I went to the pub with some friends for a quick drink after work. It was really nice, very civilized. I caught up with someone I haven’t seen for ages, which was great. Things weren’t going well for him then, and now….life’s great! I’m so happy for him. He has a new job he loves and he’s moving to Sydney, so it’s all good.
My friends from work want me to go out with them on Sunday, and I said no, because I don’t think Darren would enjoy it, and I feel bad leaving him here on his own. Then again, why should I care? He is an adult, after all. I just wish we could do things together that we both enjoy. We lead really separate lives, which is partly because of the way we work, and partly (mostly?) due to lack of interest. I’m happy doing my own thing, and he seems happy doing his, but I don’t know if that is a sign of a healthy or an unhealthy relationship. I don’t mean we should be joined at the hip and never allow each other out of sight, but a bit of togetherness would not go astray. I suppose I could make more effort. I know he could!
I’m really tired, but don’t feel ready for bed. The book I’ve been reading is not exactly riveting, so that’s not an attractive option. I’m starting to wish I’d stayed on at the pub! I wasn’t drinking, because I had to drive, but at least there was some stimulating conversation! It’s a funny thing, but as a group, we all get on really well together. We actually like each other and go out of our way to spend time together away from work. I’ve never really experienced anything quite like it. I guess it’s because they are all single, and that’s what single people do. If they had partners, they probably wouldn’t choose to hang around with their workmates as much! I always feel a bit weird, acting like a single person, even though I’m married. I don’t mean that I play around…..not at all, it’s just that I really enjoy my time away from the family. Last weekend a friend invited me to do something with her and I had to force myself to say no, just so I could spend some time with Mollie. She’s not here this weekend, so in a sense I’m free to play, but then I still have Darren…back to square one. It would be difficult for him to socialize with people he’s never met. They’re happy for me to bring him along, and he would probably go, but then I’d be stressed. Is he enjoying himself? Is he bored? Does he wish he didn’t come? And if I go alone, I’ll be all I should get going, can’t enjoy myself too much, can’t drink cos I have to drive, etc, etc, etc. So I’ll probably end up not going. And that won’t bother me. I honestly don’t mind not going. I feel so torn…….I should go, to wave the flag and show that I value my friends, even though what they are doing doesn’t really interest me. I should stay home, to spend time with Daz, who will probably either have a sleep or go to a fire call. What do I really want? God, I’m such a typical Libran….it’s embarrassing. It’s not as if it actually matters one way or the other! Nobody will care if I don’t turn up. Darren won’t really care if I go. What a load of crap! No wonder nobody reads this.